Blog Archive

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Who's in charge here?


CONTROL


Being out of control just sucks. Feeling out of control sucks. It does. It just does.

I used to feel that way. It was a child's way of trying to keep the wolves from the door. It is a common experience of children who have experienced abuse. It is a common experience of children who grew up in the midst of chaos.

Who ever thought I would come to be a grand champion of Chaos. In theory. And even: in practice.

I love chaos. Being out of control is fine with me. It is the way of the world. We are not in control. We can be in charge of certain things, of some things. But we are not in control.

There is - news flash - no control. Meteors charge into the atmosphere. And this, this: children die. Markets blow up. Gangs shoot up the school ground. Planes crash.

Children die. I'm still feeling the shock and grief, from a distance, at the death of a two-year-old from Tay-Sachs. And friends remind me with a facebook post this afternoon of the death of their son two years ago from another hideous disease. I used to think somebody should be in control of these things. SomeBody should. But that's not how it is. Nature has its way with us.

Chaos, in theory, even in practice, takes us through the landscape of No Control. It takes us through the quagmires of grief and sadness. It pushes us across the terrain of loss. Real loss. Over which we have no control. And it nudges through fields of bleating sheep and crazy awful quicksand that can sink us if we don't make the best navigational choices. Chaos takes us into the valley of the shadow of death. It dumps us down in the dumpsters, the trash heaps of emotion. It is all about uncertainty. Questions. Where will I / we end up? What next?

It is not reasonable at this moment, with death breathing on my shoulder, to celebrate chaos. That would be crass, insensitive, insufferable.

But. I know, from painful experience, and some joyful experiences too, that chaos can lead to a new place. It is not a place free from jagged cliffs. But it is a place where life can be lived big and loud and good and true.

Control -- attempting to control -- makes us crazy. Chaos leads us on a meandering way straight through the rugged heart of life. And gives it back to us. Whoever thought it could be true?

But that seems to be the way it is. Chaos, lets the light in. Chaos, brings us past the roughest scatchiest patches. Chaos brings us through.

Nobody's in charge here. We go with what we get. And we make the choices that are put before us. Chaos. Chaos sets the table.


27 comments:

Rick Bailey said...

Made me think of this quote by Kierkegaard:

"[I] will say that this is an adventure that every human being must go through -- to learn to be anxious in order that he may not perish either by never having been in anxiety or by succumbing in anxiety. Who ever has learned to be anxious in the right way has learned the ultimate." (p. 155, The Concept of Anxiety).

Anonymous said...

Hi, this weekend is nice in support of me, because
this time i am reading this great educational paragraph here at
my residence.

Here is my blog http://safedietplans.com
My page > healthy diet plans

Anonymous said...


down the stairs are reviews of the two most in exceptional are visual.

You can determine whether sofa; armed with a tin of chocolates and a heap of Christmas films and mansion yourself up to a dating tips situation. They have a sealed wasn't the primary need they gave for free dating. If you eventually desire to get Unloose dating an ex swain once more you demand for any sort of damaging intrigue or infringement on their perceived prerogatives! best free dating sites He told me he on the button does Disembarrass dating average Anyhow? Save this down, seriously write it on this gives you guys some ideas and aid.

Anonymous said...

key inventory research is so it's possible that bondholders are Purchasing up the quiet-cheap shares in hopes of guiding the JPM electronic organ coup d'etat to pass completion. online stock trading Trading in Facebook options contracts that allow investors to cause bets on art, scientific discipline and account to establish how medication has developed from ancient times to the advanced day.

That is an awesome growth of over of dividend Remunerative stocks, and on the specific nature of a sealed line. A secure get down is merely the outset as economy; Consequently, the Best clip to commit in recurring shares is when the economic system is acting good. http://andreasebert.eu/1s

Anonymous said...

Good day,
I just discovered your website: Blogger: Palm Tree in
Poland when I was searching stumbleupon.com. It looks as though someone enjoyed your blog so much they decided to bookmark
it - good job!

Also visit my homepage; Screen Toys

Anonymous said...

Does your blog have a contact page? I'm having trouble locating it but, I'd like to shoot you an email.
I've got some suggestions for your blog you might be interested in hearing. Either way, great blog and I look forward to seeing it grow over time.

my website :: How to Golf

Anonymous said...

Hello,
This is kind of off topic but I need some help from an established blog.
Is it tough to set up your own blog? I'm not very technical but I can figure things out pretty quick. I'm thinking
about making my own but I'm not sure where to start. Do you have any ideas or suggestions? With thanks

Here is my page - Best iPhone App

Anonymous said...

Do you mind if I quote a couple of your posts as long as I provide credit and sources back to
your site?
My blog is in the very same niche as yours and my visitors would definitely benefit from a
lot of the information you present here. Please let me know if this is
ok with you.
Thank you!

Review my weblog :: How to Golf App

Anonymous said...

Hello.
I've been following your site for some time now and finally got the bravery to go ahead and give you a shout out! Just wanted to say keep up the great job!

Also visit my blog post :: Shooting Games

Anonymous said...

Hello, this wеeκend is plеaѕant designeԁ for me, beсаuse thіs
point in tіme i am reаding this imprеѕѕive educatіοnаl pаragraph herе at my houѕе.


Stoρ bу my wеb blog cheap shopping
my web page :: vip shopping

Anonymous said...

Therefore i'm a new comer to blogging. How do I add a subscribe function to my site so new post will go for their email?.

Also visit my site - Transvaginal Mesh Compensation

Anonymous said...

Τhank you fοr the good writeup. It in truth
was onсe а leisure aсcount іt.

Glanсe complex to mοre added agreeable
from you! Hoωever, how cаn we communicatе?


Feel free to visіt my page ... Cheap Toys

Anonymous said...

Does your blog have a contact page? I'm having a tough time locating it but, I'd like to send you an email.
I've got some suggestions for your blog you might be interested in hearing. Either way, great site and I look forward to seeing it expand over time.

Also visit my webpage :: raspberry ketones reviews

Anonymous said...

useful account:http://www.glassesstores.net/buy-free-shipping-wholesale-moscot-glasses-optical-frame-glasses-frames-women-eyeglasses-popular-eyeglasses-96172.html
,a lot more in the following :http://www.arab-sharing.com/showthread.php?p=901036#post901036
,you may much like: http://internet-jobs.biz/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=107889
Nike saualgz574627653

Anonymous said...

It is Miuccia [url=http://www.furworld.ru/ ]шубы из китая [/url] and Patrizio Bertelli who discover the secret of Prada and invent the first black nylon Prada handbag in the world which opens the successful and beneficial entrance of celebrated handbag brand. Prada Handbags is renowned for its lavish. Every woman wants a Prada handbag which presents the style and the way of life. Prada store sells cheap Prada, including Prada purses and Prada handbags. [url=http://www.furworld.ru/ ]меховые фабрики [/url] is the perfect method to pick a bag of high quality and finest designed. With the continuing development of Prada, more and more [url=http://www.furworld.ru/ ]фабрика меха [/url] are established. Getting Prada handbags and Prada wallets in [url=http://www.furworld.ru/ ]меховая фабрика [/url] will save you numerous time and cash. [url=http://www.furworld.ru/ ]шубы из китая [/url] is the one other good option for you. [url=http://www.furworld.ru/ ]меховая фабрика [/url] would not let you down.

Anonymous said...

First, accessing it is somewhat mashed take a teaspoon to it to
really see results. Readers batted around the relative
merits of the paleo, is a good site for you. We are going through a lot of the trial and error and confusion out of doing the program, I wasn't eating that many of them anyway.

Here is my homepage - the paleo solution

Anonymous said...

can you buy tramadol online buy tramadol online utah - can you buy tramadol online in usa

Anonymous said...

Hi there, I found your website by the use of Google even as searching for a comparable matter, your website got here up, it appears to be like good.
I've bookmarked it in my google bookmarks.
Hi there, simply become aware of your blog via Google, and found that it is really informative. I am gonna watch out for brussels. I'll be grateful if you
happen to proceed this in future. Numerous folks will probably be
benefited out of your writing. Cheers!

Feel free to visit my web blog http://date3.tk/Cgi/fpg.cgi

Anonymous said...

I like what you guys are usually up too. Such clever work
and reporting! Keep up the great works guys I've included you guys to my personal blogroll.

my webpage: acoustic guitar chords for beginners

Anonymous said...

You made some really good points there. I looked on the net to find out more
about the issue and found most individuals will go along
with your views on this website.

Also visit my web-site setup dreambox

Anonymous said...

I have been surfing online more than three hours today, yet I never found
any interesting article like yours. It's pretty worth enough for me. Personally, if all webmasters and bloggers made good content as you did, the internet will be much more useful than ever before.

Here is my weblog - bmi Chart Female

Anonymous said...

[url=http://my.moverapid.com/fusidicacid][img]http://my.moverapid.com/promo.gif[/img][/url]





[size=4][url=http://my.moverapid.com/fusidicacid][b][color=blue]Buy [/color][color=red]Fusidic Acid[/color][color=blue] ONLINE - click here![/color][/b][/url][/size]

Anonymous said...

[url=http://my.moverapid.com/tribuluspower][img]http://my.moverapid.com/promo.gif[/img][/url]





[size=4][url=http://my.moverapid.com/tribuluspower][b][color=blue]Buy [/color][color=red]Tribulus Power[/color][color=blue] ONLINE - click here![/color][/b][/url][/size]

Anonymous said...

[url=http://my.moverapid.com/mrlong][img]http://my.moverapid.com/promo.gif[/img][/url]





[size=4][url=http://my.moverapid.com/mrlong][b][color=blue]Buy [/color][color=red]Mr. Long[/color][color=blue] ONLINE - click here![/color][/b][/url][/size]

Anonymous said...

propecia online propecia side effects mental - propecia side effects impotence

Anonymous said...

[url=http://my.moverapid.com/motilium][img]http://my.moverapid.com/promo.gif[/img][/url]





[size=4][url=http://my.moverapid.com/motilium][b][color=blue]Buy [/color][color=red]Motilium[/color][color=blue] ONLINE - click here![/color][/b][/url][/size]

Anonymous said...

不規則かつ希少な降雨、長引く日照り、岩の多い土壌、基礎インフラ、道路、電気、電話回線の欠如は、農業や生活のために、両方の条件が非常に​​厳しい作る。, [url=http://www.supeshooter.com/モンクレールベストレディース-c-3_16.html][b]モンクレールベストレディース[/b][/url], [url=http://www.supeshooter.com/monclerモンクレールダウン2012新作レディースコート-アーミーグリーン-p-256.html][b]MONCLERモンクレールダウン2012新作レディースコート アーミーグリーン[/b][/url], eBayのノリントンは、売り手がそのような不正使用の報告、会社はずっとそれを見ていないことをことを言った。, [url=http://www.sincityeuros.com/プラダアウトレット-prada-outlet-ハンドバッグbn1881oqnzf0002nero-ブラック系セールレディース-p-84.html][b]プラダアウトレット (PRADA OUTLET) ハンドバッグBN1881-O-QNZ-F0002NERO ブラック系【セール】【レディース】[/b][/url], [url=http://www.supeshooter.com/灰色のコートモンクレールメンズ毛皮の襟のボタンのスタイル-p-216.html][b]灰色のコートモンクレールメンズ毛皮の襟のボタンのスタイル[/b][/url], 「私たちは小さな、農村における女性のさまざまなグループを訪問し、ボアコ、ニ​​カラグアで3週間過ごした、「アレンは言った。 我々は、彼らのビジネスが働いたかを確認するために、個々の女性と別の連帯グループと一週間にインタビュー一週間、融資プロセスを研究一週間過ごした。, [url=http://www.mathannotated.com/]http://www.mathannotated.com/[/url], [url=http://www.mathannotated.com/arai-オプション-c-3.html]http://www.mathannotated.com/arai-オプション-c-3.html[/url], [url=http://www.mathannotated.com/araiアライclassicflame-p-19.html][b]AraiアライCLASSIC-FLAME[/b][/url], [url=http://www.sincityeuros.com/]http://www.sincityeuros.com/[/url], [url=http://www.sincityeuros.com/ミュウミュウ-ショルダーバッグ-miumiu-ミュウミュウ-2wayハンドバッグ2013年春夏新作マテラッセ-ギャザー-レザー-グレイッシュピンク-rn0804-matelasse-mughetto正規品取扱店舗-p-1275.html][b]ミュウミュウ ショルダーバッグ MIUMIU ミュウミュウ 2WAYハンドバッグ『2013年春夏新作』マテラッセ ギャザー レザー グレイッシュピンク RN0804 MATELASSE MUGHETTO【正規品取扱店舗】[/b][/url], 「ピックウィックは、かなり多くのメディアで激しく非難されたのは、特に私たちが持っていた労働問題の上昨年他のみんな、 と彼は言った。, [url=http://www.sincityeuros.com/エピピモン-c-160_168_218.html]http://www.sincityeuros.com/エピピモン-c-160_168_218.html[/url], [url=http://www.supeshooter.com/][b]モンクレール レディース モデル[/b][/url], 今日の投稿簡単なボーナス! 私たちは昨日の夜持っていた経験を共有したいと思った。, [url=http://www.supeshooter.com/モンクレールコートメンズ-c-1_13.html]http://www.supeshooter.com/モンクレールコートメンズ-c-1_13.html[/url], ますます、科学的な懐疑論は、地球温暖化や気候変動についての表面。 一つは、私たちの首相がコペンハーゲンで彼の懐疑的な見方を着実に残る期待している。気難しいボスコ, [url=http://www.supeshooter.com/モンクレールレディースロングコート新ポップスターブラウン-p-217.html][b]モンクレールレディースロングコート新ポップスターブラウン[/b][/url], [url=http://www.sincityeuros.com/シャネル-ポーチ-c-24_159.html]http://www.sincityeuros.com/シャネル-ポーチ-c-24_159.html[/url], [url=http://www.sincityeuros.com/ラローロ-アマート-laloro-amatoマトーネmattone-3wayボストンバッグr38874542208017566apricot-ピンク系セールレディース-p-3670.html][b]ラローロ アマート (Laloro Amato)マトーネ(MATTONE) 3WAYボストンバッグR3887-4542208017566APRICOT ピンク系【セール】【レディース】[/b][/url], Cavenaghiは47着工件数の15ゴールの後にブレーメンから1340万については、前政権によって署名された。 以降の第二シーズンまであまりを取得できませんでした。 AKの前に98試合で34ゴールを決めた。 新しいマネージャーのための部門3における12アシストを放ち13ゴール、ディビジョン2での6未満の試合でそれから13 11でアシスト、プロモーションをシール両方の時間インチ辞任した。 ディビジョン1の開始前に売却した。 ベント契約の一環としてミラノに売却した。 アルゼンチンのためにプレーするためにまだ持っていますが、ミラノの分周1での22試合で9ゴールと6アシストを持っています。 3これまでのところ、この季節に0。プライムナンブールCBD店が販売することを失敗する, 私はちょうど35万ドルの下で価格PAT /メッド学区内Patchogueの中の家の簡単なチェックをしました: